As parents, we want the best for our children and we try, as best we can, to put our best foot forward.
Still, parental stress can sometimes reach high levels, turning a rewarding experience into a real challenge. So it’s important to understand the main sources of stress, and then identify what can help us cope better.
Where does parental stress come from?
There are many sources of stress, and they are always changing, depending on the situation and the context in which you find yourself as a parent.
Quebec parents feel stressed
61 %
of parents say caring for their children demands more time and energy than they feel capable of giving.
Source: Québec Parenting Survey, 2022
25 %
of parents often feel too exhausted after work to engage in family activities or responsibilities.
Source: Québec Parenting Survey, 2022
24 %
of parents report experiencing high levels of parental stress.
Source: Québec Parenting Survey, 2022
Stress that builds up
There are a number of factors that can influence the stress felt by parents, for example work-family balance, mental load, financial difficulties, caring for a child with special needs, and the reality of single-parent and immigrant families, not to mention those without a family network nearby. Then there are other issues such as a separation, a job search or a vulnerable situation.
With all this stress piling up, it’s hard to be the parent we want to be for our children, let alone take care of ourselves. Let’s take the time to identify our sources of stress.
Parents under pressure
Pressure plays a part in the stress reported by many parents. This pressure can come from external sources (such as criticism from those around us), but also from internal sources (such as feelings of guilt). According to the Québec Parenting Survey 20221:
- We put a lot of pressure on ourselves: nearly 80% of parents admit putting pressure on themselves regarding how they care for their children.
- We get comments from family: 50% of parents feel pressure from family regarding their parenting choices.
- We compare ourselves to others on social media: over 30% of parents feel social pressure from the media or social media.
1. Source: Québec Parenting Survey, 2022
The domino effect of parental stress
Experiencing stress can be positive since stress can motivate us to act and allow us to tap into our resources (skills, knowledge, contacts, etc.).
BUT… too much stress, for too long, can make us irritable, less available and less attentive, which can directly affect our relationship with our children.
The risk? Feeling like we’re losing control and slipping into negative parenting practices such as inappropriate punishment, shouting or doing things for the child to get them done faster.
When we react poorly, we feel guilty and less satisfied, which adds even more stress.
We then start to doubt our abilities as a parent. Our children could also think that they’re no good, that they’re not capable, or that it’s not even worth trying.
Tips for a more zen family life!
Every family is unique, and sources of stress and pressure vary. It’s up to each parent to identify the solutions that fit his or her reality.
A good place to start? Stop aiming for perfection by lowering the expectations and demands we place on ourselves. Looking at our actions and choices in a kinder light.
6 strategies to consider to reduce stress
étoiles
and pressure
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1. MAKE A TO-DO LIST AND SET PRIORITIES
Are demands coming at you from all directions? Try to take control by making a list of things to do. Having an overview can already take some of the pressure off.
Next, identify what’s important according to your goals and values.
Beware of “emergencies”! They may seem important, but that’s not necessarily the case (for example, the muffins you need to bake for your little one’s activity at school the next day).
And the things that aren’t urgent AND important? Put them off until later, ask someone else to do them, negotiate the request, find shortcuts (you can get store-bought muffins this time!), or skip them altogether.
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2. CELEBRATE SMALL WINS
Let go of unrealistic expectations and the search for perfection! Make way for confidence by asking yourself a few questions: “What did I do right today as a parent?” “What positive impact have I had on my children and my family life?”
And when it comes to your “failures”—see them for what they really are and try to understand what happened, so you can do better next time.
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3. CURATE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA FEEDS
Remember: you’re in control of what you see on social media. You can choose to see accounts that inspire you and make you feel good. The other accounts, those that feed your doubts or insecurities? Leave them behind!
The goal is to surround yourself with constructive content… while maintaining a healthy distance from your screens!
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4. BUILD A SUPPORT NETWORK
It can’t be said enough: loneliness and isolation affect mental health, and this is even truer when you’re a parent! When things aren’t going so well, you may be tempted to withdraw into yourself… but this is rarely a good solution, especially in difficult times.
Even if it’s not always easy, it helps to share what you’re going through with people you trust. These “allies” who share your values are important when it comes to taking a step back and finding solutions in difficult times.
What about so-and-so’s opinion? It’s not really useful in our lives as parents.
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5. LEARN TO ASK FOR HELP
If you’re going through a stressful time, you can turn to those around you for help while you find solutions.
If the situation continues to affect your quality of life and that of your family, you can also turn to help services such as Info-Social 811 (24/7 telephone consultation service). See the Resources directory.
In an emergency, dial 9-1-1.
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6. HELP OTHER PARENTS
When you have the time and energy, you can in turn offer support to other parents around you. Joining a support network strengthens our sense of belonging and solidarity. Helping out feels good and enriches our lives!
A tool to help you lower your stress and that of your child
“When her teacher told me Charlotte seemed sad, I realized my stress from having a new baby was making me less patient and attentive to her needs.”
Read on
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See tips and tricks for managing screens