Our role as parents evolves over time.
Our first steps with our babies are to learn how to meet their needs and build a strong bond. Then, in childhood, we continue while we guide, teach, and listen to our little ones. Later, in adolescence, we adjust our approach by giving our teens more autonomy and preparing them for the challenges of adult life, while maintaining open communication. And through it all, we pass on our values through our actions and words. At every step of the way, we’re learning to parent. And each time it’s different.
After all, it’s our first time being a parent to this child at this specific moment!
Focusing on what matters, not perfection
Being a parent is an exciting responsibility, but it can also feel overwhelming at times. So what’s one of the keys to successful parenting? Focusing on what truly matters and letting go of what seems less important. After all, life as a parent is full of ups and downs! As Carl Lacharité, professor of psychology, puts it:
“We shouldn’t aim to be the perfect parent. We should aim to be a ‘good enough’ parent, a parent that’s doing their best.”
In other words, if our kids feel good and are thriving, and we as parents feel good too, that’s a good sign! There’s no need for high performance or perfection—for them or for us.
By easing the pressure, setting realistic expectations, and being kinder to ourselves, we can improve our overall balance and better enjoy the time we spend with our kids. It’s about prioritizing what really matters to us and our family.
Comparison doesn’t help with confidence
The temptation to compare ourselves to other parents is strong, especially with social media. But comparisons aren’t very helpful, because every family’s reality is different, and so is every person.
Detaching ourselves from other people’s opinions means taking a step back. By focusing on our children, our values, our expectations, and our priorities, it’s easier to find our own way of parenting—and it’s one of a kind!
Supporting each other as parents
There’s no place for competition between parents but helping each other is very important, especially with a co-parent or other families who understand our reality and have our trust. Asking questions and sharing both our doubts and successes helps ease our sense of isolation. And it’s easier to move away from that “perfect parent” image when the people around us are supportive.
Building confidence
Our confidence in our abilities grows through the positive experiences we have as parents. For example, when we find a solution to a problem or just manage to stay calm at a difficult time. These small wins remind us that we’re right where we need to be and that we matter in our children’s lives.
Trusting ourselves more means listening to our intuition, judgment, and emotions, instead of constantly doubting our decisions and worrying about what other people will think. It’s also filtering out any advice we didn’t ask for and only taking helpful suggestions. It’s about respecting and encouraging ourselves.
Even if we don’t do everything perfectly, we can still be the parent our child needs.
Acknowledging our wins (and our not-so-great moments)
An interesting habit to develop to boost our confidence as parents is to pay attention to the things we do well. Even small achievements count and noticing them is encouraging! On the flip side, recognizing our struggles and experiencing moments when things don’t go so well (we all do!) teaches us to adjust, keep going and grow in our role.
“I’m not perfect… and I’ve learned to let go and ask for help.”
It was no longer possible to aim for perfection in every aspect of her parenting life. Marjorie, a 35-year-old mom from Montreal, experienced this firsthand—and almost made herself sick.
Marjorie is a single mom of two boys aged 5 and 7 and works full-time. Always wanting to do everything perfectly, from meal preparation to housework and activities, Marjorie became impatient and irritable with her kids. “I had no quality time with them. I felt like I was always running around, putting out fires.”
By asking those close to her for help and sharing her experience with other parents, Marjorie took a step back and adjusted her priorities. “I make time to play with my kids, even if that means letting the dust pile up or having cereal for dinner sometimes. It’s not the end of the world!”
